well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
