It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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