god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
