too bad you live with your parents still
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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