You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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