She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
