fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
