Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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