she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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