I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
