So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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