Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
