Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
