Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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