I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Never joke about your clitoris.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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