he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize