I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
