it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
