I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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