its not stalking. its research.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
