we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
