The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
