I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
