tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
