Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
