Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
