then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
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