HIV tests are more positive than that guy
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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