I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
