we have pet lesbian snakes
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
