At least make sure they are 18
Why
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
