Me. At least after what I've been through.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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