Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
