you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
