He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
