just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
