just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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