its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
