Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
