My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
