i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
