Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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