you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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