Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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