I got chris browned last night
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
We need to rekindle our bromance
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
