Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I seem to have left my pride at pride
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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