today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
