also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
