we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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