you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
