I wish my penis had an off switch
Sponge bath it is.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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