If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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