Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
