so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
