so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
