My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
