I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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