It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
