you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
