about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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