I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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