My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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