he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
