i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
