If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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