Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize