our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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