I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
