Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
3 2 1 whiskey
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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