he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
